Church Hurt III. – Pathway to Healing and Recovery
When we do not love as Jesus loves, we will have more relationship problems. Christ’s love for us is unconditional and there are no requirements or expectations to receive His love. As believers, how we love people indicates the health of our relationship with the Lord. If we are hurt in church, we often run away and find another one. However, no matter what church we attend, we will become offended and hurt and offend and cause hurt. Whatever the hurtful situation is, we should strive to resolve it. It is important to note that sometimes hurtful situations can be resolved and other times irreconcilable differences do not allow for resolution. Let me provide an example. You have been offended by the actions of another, and you go to the other party and share that they offended you; however, the other party does not validate your emotions caused by their offence, completely dismisses them, or tells you that you were wrong. This example would be an irreconcilable situation. While the situation may not be reconcilable, forgiveness on our part can still occur. When we decide to forgive, we release the other person from their offense and the infliction or pain it caused. Let us look at several scriptures that can provide the pathway to healing and recovery.
First, we need to understand that God’s love provides the path to healing and recovery.
John writes in 1 John 4:7-12, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (NIV)
God is love, and He expressed that love towards us by sending His son into the world so that we might live through Him. God is love and directs His perfect love towards us. It is a sacrificial love given to us through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. Jesus did nothing wrong in his life and did not deserve to die for other people’s actions. Yet Jesus was beaten and hated for who He was, even by His own people. If there was ever a person who could have walked away from church hurt and was completely innocent, it was Jesus. Praise Him that He did not. Why? Simply put, His love for us.
We can only love others because Jesus first loved us. We can only exemplify Jesus’ love when He actively lives in and through us. Jesus’ love heals the broken, binds the wounds, and restores us. God’s love provides the fuel to power healing and recovery. Contemplate that thought for a moment with the passage above in mind.
Second, we need to live in and through God’s love.
Paul in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a says, “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (NIV).
The word love in this passage is the word agape in the original language. This love is God’s love – a love that is everlasting and given to us even though we do not deserve it. God’s love is constant, everlasting, enduring, and supernatural. We must understand that the love that Paul is talking about is not something that will come naturally to us. We will find ourselves doing the opposite. To love the way that Jesus loves requires us to be filled with His love daily through the power of the Holy Spirit. If we are not loving this way, then we need to ask the Spirit to take control and give us His love so that we can. Healing from church hurt happens when we are patient, kind, compassionate, gentle, and humble. Recovery occurs when we honor others by not being self-centered, angry, or keeping track of wrongdoings.
Church hurt requires love in action. When we are hurt, we need to go to the other person and tell them (Matthew 18:15-17; Ephesians 4:32). When you have offended another, apologize, and ask for forgiveness (Proverbs 28:13; Colossians 3:13). Keep in mind that hurt feelings can be resolved with or without the other person by forgiving them; however, reconciliation cannot. Sometimes, it is appropriate to move on from a relationship that is irreconcilable, but it is important to pray for that person (James 5:16). Remember, love rejoices in truth. Therefore, if a person honestly is not accepting the truth, then we are to pray for them. Church hurt cannot be left alone as it will become toxic. Thus, God’s love in action is the prescription for the redemption of relationships. Jesus’ love acted so that we could be saved from the consequences of sin.
Finally, – God’s love never fails.
The way Jesus loves us is the way we must love others. When we are hurt, we need to forgive, even if the other person does not desire resolution and reconciliation. Trust me, from my own experience, it occurs. If the love of Christ is not in us and is not actively working through our lives, expect to hurt others and be hurt. Does that mean if we love God with all our hearts, we will not be hurt? No, of course not, but it will determine our response to hurt. Author Philip Yancy wrote, “Christian faith is…basically about love and being loved, and reconciliation. These things are so important, they’re foundational and they can transform individuals, families.”
If the biggest underlying factor in church hurt is the lack of Christ’s love guiding us in all that we do because we have left our first love, then the resolution is that we must return to our first love and then make sure His love is actively living in us and through us. When God’s love provides the fuel to power healing and recovery and God’s love in action is the prescription for the redemption of relationships, we can mend broken hearts and relationships.
Until then next time - God’s love will never fail us.