Church Hurt Part II. – Biggest Underlying Factor

Church hurt cuts deep because it is the one place we think we will be loved just as we are. Yet, let us be honest, that is not always going to be the case because we are born with a sin nature. We are going to get hurt, and we are going to hurt someone else. Nevertheless, having a sin nature is not an excuse for not loving one another. The biggest problem that I believe causes church hurt is that we lack the love of Christ actively being lived out. In John Bevere’s book, The Bait of Satan, he says, “trials and tests locate a person” (pg. 76).  Consequently, hurt can reveal both sides of the proverbial coin. If we get hurt, are we walking around with an unforgiving heart? Equally, are we so self-centered that we become insensitive and inconsiderate to those around us that we end up hurting someone else? Maybe it is because deep down inside we truly do not care. We can talk about the love of Christ all that we want but that does not mean we act the way Christ intends.  Thus, church hurt will reveal where the love of Christ in working in our lives.  To paraphrase Bevere – hurt will locate and show what is inside.

In Revelation 2:4, John writes to the church in Ephesus, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” (NIV). The church at Ephesus worked hard and persevered despite hardship along the way. They did not grow weary in doing good when life got hard! This church was doing all the right things, but they had lost their deep love for the Lord Jesus Christ. I submit that church hurt is going to happen at some point; how often it happens and how it is handled will be directly proportionate to the measure of the love of Christ that is actively living and directing our actions. If Christ is not our first love, then no matter what we do in life, hurt will continue propagate and drive people out of the assembly. When self-centeredness, ministry structure or programming becomes more important than first loving God and people, it could be said that we may have forgotten our first love.

Leviticus 24:2, “Command the Israelites to bring you clear oil of pressed olives for the light so that the lamps may be kept burning continually.” (NIV) In the Old Testament oil often represents the Holy Spirit of God. Therefore, if we do not allow the Holy Spirit to fill us with the love of Christ, how can we unconditionally love the way Christ does. When our lamp of love grows dim it will affect us and we will not shine Christ’s love for others to see.  Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  At no greater time in history do we need to love one another so that the lost and dying can experience the love of Christ. However, when we do not love the way Jesus loved, we will cause pain in the lives of other people and coddle unforgiveness in our hearts. Paul tells us that we are to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) This is not possible in the power of the flesh; it only can occur when Christ’s love is living in us and directing our actions. 

The biggest underlying factor in church hurt is the lack of Christ’s love guiding us in all that we do. If we are going to address church hurt, we must recognize that left to ourselves we hurt and get hurt.  However, when Christ’s love is actively living and making a difference in our daily lives, we will treat our fellow believers much better. We must not pass the blame onto others but embrace the situations and ask ourselves, what does the love of Christ demand in how we love others and respond to them. We need to evaluate how we treat others around us and how we respond when we cause pain in the life of another. One of the hardest things to do is to share your deepest pain, struggle, fears, and scars with someone that you thought would care, only to find out through their actions that they really do not care about you.  

In the next blog post I will conclude this topic by providing the biblical pathway to healing and recovery from church hurt.